This morning I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. You know the side, the one in which leaves you tired and irritable. Not only did I wake up grumpy, I woke up with cold feet. Not literally, just emotionally. I woke up thinking I must be crazy to continue to pursue this move. I must be insane to keep hitting trial after trial and set back after setback and still try to go forward. It would be so much easier if I would just forget it all and stay put. Then slowly as the fog in my mind lifts, I realize that I have gone too far to back out now.
WHAT was I thinking?
City people in the country? I am NOT prepared for this. I don't even drive a pick up truck. What have I done? Why did I push for this? What if it all falls apart at the last minute? How many more times will I get short tempered or have to deal with someone else having a mini meltdown? Seriously, this morning I sat on the couch with my coffee in hand and came quickly to the realization that I have got cold feet.
Someone remind me why in the world we are doing this again? So I can have a mortgage almost six times bigger than the one I have now? So I can spend every Saturday afternoon mowing grass, only to have no one visit?
It might take me a year to unpack all of this stuff. I don't even know where the air vents are in the rooms (cause you know this might be a deal breaker). Why am I doing this? This is the definition of insanity.
I drank another cup of coffee. My head began to clear some more. I checked my emails. Opened one, followed the link, read today's devotion. Following God. Stepping into your calling. Faith walking. Believing God. Trusting in the Lord. Birthing the dreams within your heart.
That's right. I remember now why I am doing this.
I haven't been trusting, casting my cares on Him, believing Him to take care of us. I needed to read this today. My heart needed this reminder. I needed to be encouraged myself.
It's going to be alright. God's got this.
I'm trying to rest today and just spend time with the family since we got a nice little snow and I don't have any place to be.
Maybe 5 days, maybe 9... who knows?
Tomorrow I will be praying, packing, cleaning and breathing deeply.
But most importantly, trusting.
No comments:
Post a Comment