Reflections from a Mothers Heart

Several years ago, sometime before my 11 year old daughter was born I bought a book called Reflections of a Mothers Heart. It's intended for me to write my own story using my own words, in  my own handwriting. This really appealed to me at the time because my grandmother was experiencing TIA strokes and dementia. Her mind was failing at an alarming rate and even though we all wanted to set down and get as much information and history from her as we could, we only ended up with bits and pieces. Now, her story will never be retold and remembered. It's really a shame because she was an amazing woman.

My own mind and memory banks started failing years ago when I was in my early 20's. The doctors say it's because of the trauma I endured and I am repressing all memories both good and bad. Regardless of the reason, I wanted to get my own memories and  thoughts down so I wouldn't forget them forever. Thank goodness for digital cameras. I have had one since they first came out. It's through pictures that I remember my life. Some day when things are not quite as hectic I really should set down and print them off.

While cleaning up the classroom/office last night I came across this book that I had packed away. You see, some of the questions they ask are things I had not experienced yet. I was only 25 when I got the book. I had not experienced some of these seasons in life yet. I have a ton of empty pages. I flipped through the book, stopping to read a bit here and there. To be honest, I was quite shocked by some of my answers. Fun questions like my favorite flower, perfume, song, bible verse, dessert, food, sport and leisure activities all changed. Only my favorites for color (green), book (Little Women), Author (Louisa May Alcott) and vacation spot (Ozark Mountains) were left unchanged. This started my mind wondering about how in 10 or 20 years my answers will change again. I was left with a feeling of awe as I realized how amazing God is to us. He gives us experiences and understanding a little at a time. Shaping, molding and creating us in His image.

Deep in the heart of this mom there lies that desire for things to always stay the same. For life to be perfect. If I am honest with myself, I will tell you that I fondly look back at those younger years with a strong desire to recapture the years of wonder. A time of new beginnings and wonderment of everything God has blessed me with. But I know in my heart of hearts, that I cannot grow and become the woman of wisdom that God intends me to be unless I do experience the hard stuff.

So today during my quiet time I will sit with my favorite pen in hand, turn through the pages and take a long walk back down memory lane. I will share my thoughts and experiences with my children in writing. I may even be amazed a time or two, how much can change in so few years.

"For all of us, today's experiences are tomorrow's memories".

Barbara Johnson